If it’s good enough for George Washington, it’s good enough for me. Some (or all) of these items may or may not be outright lies. You decide!

1. My sister once killed a moose with her bare hands.

Like this guy, except a hot chick

2. I had a two year relationship with the only legally-blind Playboy Playmate in history that only ended when someone told her I wasn’t really black.

3. I taught Dane Cook everything he knows (sorry everyone)

4. I speak 14 different languages, but no one has heard of them.

5. My dad invented the spork, but lost the rights to the patent in a poker game.
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Above: The God Damned Batman

There’s a lot to like about the upcoming video game, Batman: Arkham Asylum. Kevin Conroy and Mark Hamill will be reprising their Batman: The Animated Series roles of Batman and The Joker, respectively. Paul Dini, the writer and creator of said Animated Series wrote the story and the script. The atmosphere is supposed to be similar to Chronicles of Riddick: Escape from Butcher Bay and the gameplay is suppose to be closer to Resident Evil 4, both games I love. 

And let’s face it- it’s the god damned Batman.

So what is going to make this game blow? 

RPG-style stat earning.

Are you fucking kidding me?

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We just got word that T-Shirt Hell is closing down in two weeks. This blows, as it’s one of our favorite sites. Not just favorite sites to buy rude, offensive and hilarious t-shirts, but just favorite in general.

Here is the farewell letter from Sunshine Megatron.

On the up-side, everything on the site is 10% off for the next two weeks.

We encourage you to buy a bunch of stuff. Here’s some of our favorites.

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You see this horse? Chicks love horses.

Our good friend, the 1st and curently dead President of the United States George Washington, stopped by the offices today and asked if he could post his list of 25 Random Facts About George Washington. Who were we to say no? So, without further delay (we forgot how to spell that French word that means the same thing), here is the Father of our Country, President George Washington.   

Thanks guys, it’s good to be here and thanks for letting me share some information about me with your readers. By the way, my ghost will be signing autographs at the Regency Square Mall in Richmond, VA along with Gilbert Gottfried, Tiffany and the guy who did the voice of Starscream in the Transformers cartoon this February 19th. Admission is free and we have balloons for the kids!

Now, here are some things you may or may not have known about me.

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This man needs taxpayer money... and NOW!

According to a report on the CNN.com ticker, both Hustler publisher Larry Flynt and Girls Gone Wild mastermind Joe Francis as seeking a $5 billion bailout for the adult entertainment industry. 

Keep in mind, this was reported on CNN, not The Onion. 

I’m gonna do my part and renew my Girls Gone Wild subscription like a good American. I was gonna spend that money on a car or a house but hell, we can’t let Larry Flynt lose money, now can we? The economy as we know it would collapse!

The very last issue of EGM, apparently

According to our friends at Kotaku, Ziff Davis has sold the rights to their fairly successful 1UP.com to the Hearst Corporation. The consequence of which is that one of our favorite gaming magazines ever, Electronic Gaming Monthly, will cease publication with the January 2009 issue. That’s the one shown above, with Hugh Jackman as Wolverine on the cover. Because there’s a new Wolverine movie coming out and it will probably be followed up by a terrible game based on the movie.

It’s kind of funny. In the early days of the web, a lot of us started writing our own gaming websites for three reasons. The first was the get free games. The second was to get into E3. The third was the, someday, get a job at a magazine like EGM. Now it looks like the web is the future of gaming journalism. We wish we would have known that - we would have done a better job.

Anyway, so long EGM. And to the Hearst Corporation, we wish you the best of luck in your mass layoffs.

Happy 2009 everybody! I know that puts a lot of pressure on you, since we’re asking you to be happy a full 365 days and let’s face it, we’re already 6 days in. You could have screwed that up already. I’ve already broken my New Year’s Resolution twice already. But come on, you can’t give up Asian prostitutes up cold turkey - you’ve got to ease into it! So let’s just start clean now, and if you feel like you’re about to be non-happy, just go back to bed. I’m sure your boss will understand

Anyway, we’ll be back in the next couple of days with some new content. We’ll have some more game reviews, interviews and more.  So keep coming back. Or don’t. You people never do anything we ask of you, anyway.

Look, buddy, you’ve been strutting around here all high and mighty for years now. Thinking you’re better than everyone else. Calling everybody “chief” and acting like an asshole. Nobody’s done anything about it because you bring in donuts every now and then and let’s face it, everyone around here loves donuts. Especially that fat guy in accounts receiveable. No, not Gary, he works in accounting, but come to think of it, he really likes donuts, too. Actually, I think he’s more of a fast food guy. That fat motherfucker can put away Big Macs like no one’s business. I know, right? Yeah, that guy totally needs to use the company gym, you’re totally right. Read more »

0_0′ Wut?! ThisShitIsSoAwesome.

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Let’s face it, Americans (and to a lesser extentent, Canadians) love to drink. Maybe it has to do with religious guilt (look at any small town - the number of bars is usually proportional with the number of churches) or maybe it’s because we feel the need to numb ourselves from the realities of life in this capitalistic society of ours. Or maybe it’s just because getting shitfaced hammered is just plain fun to do. At least it’s fun at the time.

Sure at the end, when you’re puking and crying and passing out while your so-called friends are drawing penises on your face, that’s not fun. And the day after, hoo boy, don’t get me started. But that’s like telling a chick “don’t give me a blowjob, I’m just going to be really sleepy when you’re done”. Or if you’re a chick, that’s like saying “I can’t buy this pair of shoes because it will just add more to the balance on my credit card.” Don’t worry, I’m also thinking of lots more sexist things to say.

But since we are ever the optimists here at TWISA, we don’t think of them as hangovers so much as hang-opportunities. Sadly, yes, that’s what we’re calling it. Read more »